Vaya Con Dios, Norton

As in “anthology.”  As in, Norton Anthology of World Masterpieces, Norton Anthology of American Literature, and Norton Anthology of English Literature Volumes One and Two.  And this is how I know I have a problem.
For those of you not familiar with the Nortons, they are not the most charming of books.  Heavy, chunky, ultra-thin Scripture-like [...]

Donner, Party Of Two?

It’s all pioneer days up in here, y’all.  Lose the dead weight!  Throw it out of the wagon so we can get across the damn river!  And Grammy!  Toss her ass to the - (well, not the curb, now would it be) - to the prairie grasses!  ASS to the GRASS, old woman!!
Seriously.
I tell ya. [...]

Whatcha Gon’ Do Wit All Dat Junk, All Dat Junk Inside Yo Trunk?

Take it to Goodwill, muthafuckah!
I am comin’ to you live from the backside of Day Two.  Making progress, sold a few things on craigslist today, took a car load to Goodwill, and tossed a bunch of crap in the garbage, such as:
1.  Cotton halter-type bras in such an advanced state of disintegration that you could [...]

Dear Flight Attendant

I realize that the flight was a bit delayed before the boarding process started, and that it was a full plane, and that you simply wanted to expedite our departure.  I also know that dealing with the public as “customer” is often a harrowing task which would singe the nasal passages of any sentient being. [...]