Dead Head

In the store, the food store, just cruising through and suddenly got this weird feeling…like someone was watching me, judging the way I handle products then put them back, so I turned, and – YELLO THERE!!!  Pig heads.  Yes.  Whole PIG HEADS, with snout, ears, eyes.  In the frozen meat case, in amongst the tiny [...]

Horked A Piece Of Blueberry Muffin Up Mah Nose

This is some funny shit, yo.

A Few Choice Items

1.  Rod Blagoyevich.  Dude.  What are you DOING?  You really need to get grip, man, and the whole selling the Senate seat is one thing, but what I’m talking about is your HAIR.  What’s up, Flock of Seagulls? 2.  South Korea.  Settle down, people.  Really.  Have some soju and call it day. 3.  It was [...]

Writing=Lifting Shirt

Please go read this fabulous post written by the lovely and talented Ms. Daughters of Catastrophe.  Ms. DOT has wonderful style, unlike Grammy whose writing is mostly the equivalent of a four year old lifting her shirt at the family picnic.

Vaya Con Dios, Norton

As in “anthology.”  As in, Norton Anthology of World Masterpieces, Norton Anthology of American Literature, and Norton Anthology of English Literature Volumes One and Two.  And this is how I know I have a problem. For those of you not familiar with the Nortons, they are not the most charming of books.  Heavy, chunky, ultra-thin [...]

Donner, Party Of Two?

It’s all pioneer days up in here, y’all.  Lose the dead weight!  Throw it out of the wagon so we can get across the damn river!  And Grammy!  Toss her ass to the – (well, not the curb, now would it be) – to the prairie grasses!  ASS to the GRASS, old woman!! Seriously. I [...]

Whatcha Gon’ Do Wit All Dat Junk, All Dat Junk Inside Yo Trunk?

Take it to Goodwill, muthafuckah! I am comin’ to you live from the backside of Day Two.  Making progress, sold a few things on craigslist today, took a car load to Goodwill, and tossed a bunch of crap in the garbage, such as: 1.  Cotton halter-type bras in such an advanced state of disintegration that [...]

Dear Flight Attendant

I realize that the flight was a bit delayed before the boarding process started, and that it was a full plane, and that you simply wanted to expedite our departure.  I also know that dealing with the public as “customer” is often a harrowing task which would singe the nasal passages of any sentient being. [...]