All Over The Map

For those of you who have stopped by hoping for substantive content, who have, indeed, continued to stop by, day after day, waiting for me to post something that means something, anything (to anybody, anywhere), wishing with all your might that, yes, maybe today, this day, this Monday of the new week, of a new month, perhaps today we reach beyond the limits of our monkeymind and grasp at last the sweet ripened fruit of insight – yes, I salute you, and today is not that day.  The monkey runs free today, the result of bad dietary choices and too much coffee.

1.  Went to see “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” yesterday.  Those guys.  Those Judd Apatow guys.  I dunno – their oeuvre kind of charms me, for some reason.  Maybe because they remind me of guys I have known, grown up with – doofuses, but with a big heart.  Their movies all seem like frat boy set-ups, and then somewhere in the middle, you start to see this earnestness that is surprising in a sweet way.  Also, for maybe the first time in any movie ever, there is full frontal (and behindal) male nudity, and not a drop of female nudity (there is a brief scene with pictures of women flashing their breasts, but none that the actresses perform onscreen).  Fairly remarkable, that.  Also, the Dracula musical had me rolling, I tell you – ROLLING.

2.  I am so freaking excited about school, I can’t stand it.  And also a weensy bit scared, like my bluff has been called.  But mostly excited.  

3.  Hillary.  GAHHH!  She- gah!  And then – gah!  Fluh-gah!  GAH!!!

4.  Do people ever change?  Do they really?  Their core self, who they are – does that change?  Are humans even capable of it as a species?  I mean, just because you change your outward behavior, it does not necessarily follow that your inner substance has been altered.  You’re just holding that in check, and dealing with the externals.  The inner truth of you remains the same.  Doesn’t it?  Or does it?  Can someone’s inner truth be altered radically?

5.  I’m going to confess something here which may make you think less of me (less than you already do, and if that is a mathematical impossibility, I ask you to stop reading now):  I wish ill to those who have done me wrong.  Not generalized, catastrophic ill, nothing that would cause them to be Oprah’s Worthy Disadvantaged Person of The Week – no, no.  I don’t want to see Nate decorating a new house for them.  No, I mean that I want them to get busted for the same bad treatment that they extended to me, be fucked over by their own lousy behavior, reap the bullshit of their nastiness, hoist with their own petard.  Yep.  An ugly thought on my part, but there it is.  And the down home truth is: it’ll never happen.  I know this.  Justice is a fickle, ADD-inflicted teenager, and hoping for anything like retribution is futile, like waiting in the station for a bus that stopped running years ago.  You know?

And on that note, I’m going to boxing.